Module 1: Increasing Awareness
Unit 1
Emotions Are Valuable |
Purpose: Learning to acknowledge how our own emotions dictate our behavior.
|
Emotions Are Valuable |
Purpose: Learning to acknowledge how our own emotions dictate our behavior.
|
|
|
|
It Runs In The FamilyAs part of our Emotional Responsibility, we look at the way WE were parented, so we can best manage how we parent. Please take an honest look at how your father related to you, how your mother related to you, and how they related to each other. How did your parents parent you? How are you doing it the same, or different? You may be copying your parents’ habits, consciously or unconsciously, even when you don’t want to. Remember, ‘telling’ a child something, while ‘doing’ another doesn’t work very well.
Person Vs. BehaviourIn EQ-centered parenting, it is essential that we are cognizant of our own words, our actions, and the attitude and energy that we portray. An important distinction here for negative behaviors is to differentiate your child’s behavior, from your child, as a person. In disciplining a child, remember the distinction in your words and tone between, “YOU are bad” vs. “You DID a bad thing”. We can love the person/child, and NOT love their behavior, at the same time.
|
module 1, unit 1FEELINGS MATTERFeelings matter, a lot. Your feelings matter, and your child’s feelings matter. EQ helps us be smarter about feelings. This is about raising our children in an emotionally balanced, feeling-centered environment, using tools, knowledge, and language that have been shown to be successful parenting techniques.
We, as parents, can make huge, lasting changes in our child’s life by learning and mastering EQ. These simple, yet powerful, lessons can affect some of the core beliefs, attitudes and emotional skills of our children, which have been shown to contribute significantly to happiness, purpose, and success in life. Take a look at this video from Eldon Pascoe, a parent, educator, and leader at the British Council. As Eldon explains, we often react without meaning to. The key to EQ is taking a step back to consider: What’s the best way to handle this? |
Take a look at this video from Eldon Pascoe, a parent, educator, and leader at the British Council. As Eldon explains, we often react without meaning to. The key to EQ is taking a step back to consider: What’s the best way to handle this?
Parenting is an emotional adventure. We have many (many!) opportunities to practice “being smarter with feelings.” This will make parenting more peaceful, more fulfilling — and using our emotional intelligence is key for us to influence our children in more positive ways. It all starts with us.
|
module 1, unit 1EQ TOOLKIT: THE EMOTION HUNT1. Emotional Clues
Your emotions are signals – they’re messages from you to you. But many people find it challenging to notice (and accept) their own emotions. Begin to notice your own tone of voice and body language to give yourself clues about your feelings. Are you frowning or smiling? Are your shoulders tight or relaxed? Is your voice loud or quiet? 2. Gathering Data Observe your child(ren) for a while, with a non-judgmental attitude and with the purpose of getting tuned in to their current emotions (in conflict situations, words are sometimes unnecessary). Focus on a time of day, openly observe them for a week, and note all the emotions and the circumstances that give rise to each of the emotions. See if you can notice any patterns. 3. Cause and Effect Emotions are contagious – we automatically, unconsciously, pick up emotions from others (here’s research on this in the workplace). Get curious about this phenomenon: Observe the way emotions are being passed from family member to family member. Observe the way different emotions are affecting different members of the family — including yourself. |
PRACTICE WITH YOUR FAMILYFor this week, take the time to notice your own tone of voice, body language, bodily sensations when you have a strong reaction to something. It will give you clues about your feelings. Journal about these feelings.
Observe your child(ren) for a while, with no judgement and only with the purpose of getting tuned to their current emotions (in conflict situations, words are sometimes unnecessary). Write these down. THE SIX SECONDS PAUSEIn any conflict and stressful situation, take a small PAUSE of at least 6 seconds to let your feelings subside, then act and respond, calmly and intentionally.
The purpose is to slow down your reaction and let the emotional energy relax a moment. It works because the chemicals of emotion inside our brains and bodies only last about six seconds. Normally when we have strong feelings, we keep producing more and more of the feeling molecules. But if we can stop for a short moment, the flood of chemicals slows down. The trick with a Six Second Pause is to refocus your brain by shifting attention from the emotional part (the “limbic brain”) to the analytical part of your brain (called the “Cortex”). Your Cortex loves to put ideas in order, break ideas apart, and to use symbols like math or language. So, invite your Cortex to the party by doing things it likes, such as thinking of your favorite 6 vacation spots, remembering six words in a foreign language, or listing six movies you like. |
In this video, Eldon Pascoe discusses why EQ matters to us, as parents. He discusses how our reactions are not their reactions, and that if we take a step back (and wait 6 seconds before responding), we can react and respond in an emotionally mature way for ourselves, the persons involved and the situation.
|
|